To VA or not To VA (Virtual Assistant for the uninitiated)

I’ve had a right old battle going on in my head for the last few weeks/months/years. 

It’s the guilt, you see – the guilt of thinking that I ought to be able to do everything admin related, enjoy it and be good at it.  Well, the truth of the matter is that I CAN do it, but I don’t ENJOY doing it. 

I am not a natural i dotter and t crosser.  It’s just not how I roll (!).

For some time I have been realising that there are a myriad of small tasks that need doing that I don’t want to do.  They’re the type of tasks that are a bit like ironing.  I hate ironing.  I hate the thought of ironing and I hate the act of ironing.  The amount of stress I put myself under about the flaming ironing is ridiculous. So now I am just very careful about how I hang things (I last ironed something back in October).

Well I've finally worked out what needs to happen with these admin tasks – I just need to trust someone else who is a genuine i dotter and t crosser (such people do exist, amazingly).

I love putting together the holidays and planning the courses and the trips – love it, love it, love it.  I also love actually being with my guests.  It’s the best part of the job.  What I’m not so keen on is having to chase people for flight details and make sure that all the bookings are on the database and all that kind of faffy type thing.  It does my head in.

I was looking for a Virtual PA for a friend of mine when I came upon Tracy.  She suggested that my friend keep a diary of what he’s doing and then to score it in terms of whether or not he actually needed to do it or if it could be something that could be farmed out.  As she was speaking I was thinking about my to-do list that had 43 items on it – some of them half day tasks. 

Within hours I decided that this was the way forward – I persuaded myself that I couldn’t carry on without her - never mind my friend!  She was so confident on the phone and matter of fact that I felt the stress seep away just by talking to her.  So I have handed over some jobs.  We’ll go through the details today and get a system up and running, but let me tell you how much less stressed I am already... I have already started plans to get on with the stuff I actually enjoy – the writing, the answering enquiries, the people aspects.

Yes, I’m sure there are people out there who manage to wear all the different hats all of the time and get on very nicely.  But I’m just not one of those people. 

The interesting thing is how difficult I found it to admit to myself that I don’t like doing admin.  To see how guilty I was feeling at not being an all-singing and all-dancing business owner - to admit ‘weakness’, to own up to being ‘less than perfect’.  But what sweet relief to have finally surrendered and stopped trying to push a boulder up a hill.  What joy to just accept my limitations and to go with the flow.  How liberating to stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. 

How many times do we try to be all things to all people?  Constantly feeling that we’re not living up to expectation or the ridiculously high standards we set for ourselves?  How lovely just to acknowledge that we’re doing our best and that we need help...  

Liberation indeed!

Zen and Serenity

I have been on two Zen silent meditation retreats in the last 5 weeks both of which were 5 days long in duration. The experiences were amazing.  Awe-inspiringly so.

4 days back from my last retreat and I'm hankering after aspects that I thought I would hate but in fact have realised are important to me and to how I live:

1. Routine
Getting up at 5am was a bit of a shock to the system, that's for sure - but once I'd stopped fighting it (this is a theme, me stopping fighting stuff) it was very welcome - another set of decisions that I didn't have to consider or worry about.

2.  Silence
I am a chatterbox.  One of my friends suggested that he'd happily sponsor me to maintain the silence for another week (I have such lovely friends).
However, the silence was a joy.  I hadn't realised how welcome it was to relieve myself of the automatic social obligation of smiling at people all the time, or 'being considerate of others' aka being a control freak.  It was just great to be in the company of people who were pulling in the same direction, but doing it silently.

3.  Meditation
There's an awful lot of meditation that goes on.  I know that this shouldn't really have been a surprise, but it was somehow.  In Zen there's a lot of sitting.  I struggled with the physical aspects of it to begin with but finally settled down and got into the rhythm of it.  The teachers are great and give you pointers all the way through the process.  But very importantly, the whole process gave me the chance to distance my thinking from all the distractions of my 'normal' life and to simply be.  Admittedly it was only for seconds at a time, most of the time - but I still had some amazing experiences that have shifted the way that the rest of life will be lived.

4.  Community
It was a revelation to me to see how close you could feel toward people that you didn't speak to.  In the second retreat there was an element of speaking (it was a Western Zen Retreat) but it wasn't small talk or chit chat, no social niceties - just all of us doing our best.  Of course, in some ways it's easier to like people you don't have to speak to but this was more a feeling of inclusion, of realising that you were with a group of people who were trying to look for answers to their questions, a group of people who were prepared to commit themselves to a process in order to improve their passage through their lives.  Inspiring people, amazing people and then realising that I'm one of them ;-)

I know that silent meditation retreats are not for everyone but it suddenly struck me that the things I hanker after with the Zen retreats are the things that I love about Serenity Retreat - although not in quite the same way, of course:

• Routine - changing our routine is so important to shift ourselves if we feel 'stuck', having a routine that involves the sun can only be a good thing!
• Silence - join in as much or as little as you like.  If you want to hole up in your accommodation for the entire break - that's fine... We also have short specific times dedicated to silence for those who want to indulge.
• Meditation - we have guided meditations for you to dip into.
• Community.- whether you engage fully or not, you will know that you're part of a community, the extent to which you're involved is always up to you.

And so I'm just very grateful that I have a job, a career, a life that speaks to me in terms that matter to me.  And it's available to all of us.  We just have to get focused, keep determined and let it all flow......