I have recently been through a life lesson of great
interest (can we take it as read that it was also uncomfortable, squirmy and
discombobulating?).
In my head (a dangerous place at the best of times) there
is a sometimes rather vocal critic that is telling me that I ought to have time
for everyone on the planet and that I should be able to rub along with all
others at all times and that I am being selfish if I find myself craving space, peace and quiet.
With the best will in the world I am just not made that
way. Don’t get me wrong. I love people, I love chatting (as those of
you who know me will testify), I love being sociable – but I also love my
solitude. Love it, desire it, want it,
crave it and yes, need it.
My inner critic would like me to be some kind of
spiritual giant and chastises me for being attached to the idea of space and
peace, but the kind, compassionate me (with a little help from my very good
friends and their objectivity) can point out that I am a human being. I suffer from human beingism and sometimes
that means I need to take some time out and get some credit in the emotional bank. There is so much written in self-development
style books about the fact that in giving you receive a million times over, and
in my experience that has certainly been the case. But I also think that there is some value in
knowing when to stop and take some time to take care of yourself before anyone else. I’m paraphrasing a million
people when I say that it’s not an accident that flight safety information
tells us that we should put our own oxygen masks on before we help another.
So, I'm no longer beating myself up about it (well, for the moment).... It is what it is - another aspect of What Makes Me, Me. For now.
